Resilience through Failure

September 12, 2012
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In August, Higher Ground asked our readers to reflect on ways to bridge the gap between individual failure and community loss. We noted some episodes of recent tragedies committed against innocent people in communities around us. Your responses were helpful.

“These tragedies go on and on! Even in our country, religious intolerance periodically raises its ugly head of violence — even in the sanctuary of Ebenezer Church here in Atlanta (1974). The pain still lingers with us. It cannot be assuaged…”

But let us move on to think of ways to bridge the gaps between individual failures and our obligations to our children. We must teach our children to overcome failure through resilience.

This practice needs to begin in our formative years. How do we show our children (and adults) ways to deal non-violently with failure and loss, before they are warped by hatred and the desire for revenge?

Belinda Lacombe has some very interesting reflections on the concept of failure. She asserts that failure is not always bad. Sometimes it produces a little more resilience than high SAT scores do.

In the same article, Madeline Levine asks this question, “Can schools for the elite and for the economically impoverished teach resilience?” Both groups of children have a problem with failure. Wealthy kids don’t see enough of it to believe they can’t have what they want exactly when they want it. Poor kids see too much failure to believe that they will ever be able to receive what they need, so why persist, why adapt, why stay focused? Why not drop out of school? Why not take what you want by whatever means possible? As a poor child, you were born behind the eight ball anyway.

Levine makes the following suggestions for dealing with failure, but are they practical for poor people living in urban or rural communities? She says, “Less emphasis on grades, more on values. Less homework, more sleep. Less fretting by parents, more encouragement and empowerment…”

What additional ways do you suggest for helping our children understand failure early in their lives?

Rev. Joe